Symbiote Wrangling for Losers
by MaeglinYedi
Summary: Venom has to learn to clean his plate. A series of slice of life symbrock vignettes.
1. Chapter 1

Living with a murderous alien in your body had its challenges, as Eddie soon found out.

For one, you were never really alone, no matter what you did. Every mundane thing you did during the day was now the subject of intense scrutiny. He had honestly never thought he would be discussing his bowel movements with an alien, or explaining to said alien why he preferred to shave his face from left to right.

It was simultaneously hilarious and exhausting.

Another thing was that Venom needed to eat. A lot. This translated into a chronic feeling of hunger, only ever really sated right after Venom ate a person, and then only for a short time. The upside to this was that Eddie never had to worry about gaining weight ever again because Venom blew through every calorie they consumed at an alarming rate.

Eddie let Venom decide when and where to eat people, as long as they were bad guys and as long as they didn't get caught. Eddie knew very well that he had inexplicably turned into a serial killer. Not something he had ever aspired to be, but life was funny that way.

Trouble started when Venom decided to play with his food instead of clean his plate.

Eddie looked at the headline on his phone screen. 'HEADLESS BODY FOUND NEAR GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE.'

"V, why didn't you just eat the whole fucking guy?" Eddie asked.

Venom poked his head out of Eddie's chest and swirled around to look at him. "I just ate my favourite part."

"Yeah, I get that, buddy, but now the police are looking for a murderer."

"The police are no threat to us, Eddie," Venom assured him with a deep rumble that Eddie thought was meant to sound comforting.

"That's not the point," Eddie said. He put his phone down and rubbed a hand across his face. "When you eat people whole they just disappear and there is no evidence a crime even took place." He gestured at his phone. "But when you leave behind the parts you don't like then everybody will be looking for a killer and that will make it more difficult for you to eat people in the future."

"I had not considered that, Eddie," Venom said with a tilt of his head. "There are so many bad guys to eat that I thought I could just eat my favourite part."

Eddie snorted with laughter. "You know what you remind me of, V? A bear."

"A bear?" Venom demanded. "What is a bear?"

"It's a big furry beast that eats salmon. When there is an abundance of salmon the bears only eat their favourite parts of the fish, the brains and the eggs, and leave the rest to rot." Eddie had spent a lot of time watching random nature shows to pass the time after Drake got him fired from his job.

"They like to eat like me." Venom shot out a tendril and dragged Eddie's laptop closer. "Show me." Ever since Eddie had introduced Venom to Youtube, he demanded that Eddie show him videos about every little thing they discussed.

Sighing, Eddie typed in a search command and soon they were watching a couple of huge grizzly bears standing in a river, swinging their paws at the nearby fish.

"Can we eat them, Eddie?"

"Salmon? Sure, we'll get some from the store tomorrow."

Venom shook his head vigorously. "No, the bears. Can we hunt the bears? They look tasty."

Eddie stared at Venom in disbelief. "You want to hunt and eat a bear."

"Yes, Eddie. Can we?"

Eddie wanted to deny on principle, because what the fuck even, but then he got an idea. "There are black bears in California so I guess we can go and hunt some, but only if from now on you clean your plate."

Venom gave him a deeply suspicious look. "What does that mean?"

Leaning back in his chair, Eddie gave his alien pal a satisfied smile. "It means you eat the whole guy and you leave nothing behind. Do that, and you can hunt a bear."

"The whole person? Always?" Venom brought his face up to Eddie's to look him in the eyes.

"Yes, always. Here on earth we have to eat all of our dinner before we get dessert."

Venom sulked for a minute or so, before nodding his head. "Fine. We will eat the whole person, always. Can we now hunt a bear?"

Snickering, Eddie gestured at the window to show the darkness beyond it. "Too late now, buddy, but tomorrow we'll take the bike out to the hills and you can hunt your bear."

"Very good, Eddie. Now show us more of them." Venom pushed the laptop a little closer to Eddie, who, with a sigh, clicked on the next video.

Potential law enforcement crisis averted with minimal fuss. He was really getting the hang of this symbiote wrangling thing.


	2. Chapter 2

It started when Eddie received his settlement from the Life Foundation. Annie had sued them on his behalf and the remaining folks in charge realized they couldn't afford a very public court case if they wanted to salvage anything from the burning mess Carlton Drake left behind. So they quickly offered him a settlement. And seeing that Eddie didn't have time for a court case either since he was busy wrangling his symbiote, he accepted.

It was a decent amount of money, more than enough to make any current bills go away, live on while he established his reputation as a writer and save plenty for a rainy day. To celebrate he decided to buy a few things he wanted. A new phone and laptop, upgrades for his bike, a Netflix subscription, a few clothes. Just some things he hadn't been able to afford after he lost his job.

He also wanted to get Venom something because he'd suffered more at the hands of the Life Foundation than Eddie had if it came down to it.

But what to get your alien body-mate?

Easy. Chocolate.

Eddie found a website for this family owned artisan candy store. They made their own chocolates, anything from dark chocolate peanut clusters to peanut butter potato chip milk chocolate bark. Eddie got an extra big order of the latter because holy crap, that sounded good. He selected the option for gift wrapping and addressed the order to Venom Brock.

He was lucky that Venom had just eaten a violent drug dealer and was suffering from a people coma so he was barely aware of anything and didn't care what Eddie was doing on his laptop for a change.

When the doorbell rang a couple of days later, Eddie nonchalantly opened the door and accepted the package.

Venom's head popped out of Eddie's shoulder the moment the door closed. "Why did that man give you a box?"

"See for yourself." Eddie put the box on the kitchen table, address label clearly visible.

Venom leaned closer, carefully touching the box with a tendril. "Eddie," he said, pulling the box towards himself. "It has my name on it. Why does it have my name?"

"If it has your name on it, then it must be for you." Eddie couldn't stop grinning. Seeing Venom baffled by every day situations provided hours of quality entertainment. "Go on. Open it."

Venom slipped a few tendrils under the lid and ripped it open. He peered inside the box and poked at the items wrapped in colourful paper.

"They're gift wrapped, so you can pull the paper of." Eddie picked up one of the packages and demonstrated how to unwrap it.

"Gifts? For me?" Venom delicately picked up an item. "Why would that man bring me gifts?"

"That man only delivered the box. That's his job. Someone else bought them for you."

"Someone else?" Venom seemed confused for a moment and then raised his head up to Eddie's, his large, white eyes widening even further. "You did, Eddie. You bought me gifts."

"You caught me, buddy. I got the money from the Life Foundation, remember, so I thought we should celebrate." Eddie gently pushed Venom back towards the box. "So open them."

Venom formed two tendrils into hands and ripped the wrapping paper off and stared at the bag of chocolate covered Oreos. "Chocolate!" He whipped his head around and grinned up at Eddie. "It's chocolate. For me."

"Yep, enjoy them." Eddie reconsidered and held out his hand. "Can I have one of those? I really want to try them."

"Yes, Eddie. We will eat them." Venom opened the crinkly bag, handed Eddie one cookie and proceeded to eat the rest one after another, a blissful look on his face.

Together, over the next few days, they ate their way through the box, and only because Eddie put the brakes on Venom. If it was up to his symbiote he would have eaten the whole lot in less than ten minutes.

"Thank you, Eddie," Venom said with a happy grumble, after the last piece of chocolate covered cashew brittle had disappeared down his gullet. "Where did you get this chocolate? It was the best we've had."

"Yeah, it really was." Eddie reached for his laptop and leaned back in the couch, feeling stuffed to the gills after their three day chocolate fest. "It's a website, from a small candy store that makes their own chocolates."

Venom had already learned all about the internet when he first saw Eddie use his laptop. Still, he said, "Show me."

Eddie did, browsing through their chocolate selection while Venom announced he wanted to eat any new item they saw.

"How do you get the man to bring you a box of these chocolates, Eddie?" Venom poked a tendril at the screen as though trying to reach through it to get his treat.

Perhaps, in hindsight, that should have been a warning sign, but Venom was curious about everything and asked questions all the time so Eddie didn't think anything of it.

"You select what you like and then you order it," Eddie explained, showing Venom the online shopping cart.

"And then they bring you a box of chocolates?"

"Yeah, modern technology is really amazing. Handmade chocolates from across the country delivered to your doorstep at the click of a button." Eddie closed the laptop, placed it on the coffee table and stretched out on the couch. "I'm gonna take a quick nap, V. I need to close my eyes for an hour or so before getting back to the Life Foundation article."

Eddie was writing an in depth story of what exactly had happened at the Life Foundation, leaving out a few details about his new alien buddy, of course. He already had three publications wanting to buy it, so if he was really lucky they might start a bidding war.

"Yes, Eddie, you should sleep," Venom said, and he pulled down the soft blanket Eddie kept folded over the back of the couch. A number of black tendrils spread it out over Eddie's body, all the way up to his chin, and tucked him in on all sides.

"Thanks, buddy," Eddie mumbled, eyelids drooping shut, pleasantly surprised by how thoughtful and caring Venom could be. Before sleep claimed him, he decided it had been two hundred dollars well spent and he was definitely ordering from that store again, probably for Halloween and Christmas, and maybe if they had something to celebrate.

The first clue something was wrong came a few days later when he received an email from the candy store, apologizing profusely. They had received his order but it was so large that they could only send him part of it now, but they promised they were working hard to get more chocolates made to get the rest shipped to him.

Eddie slowly closed his laptop, sat back in his chair, and rubbed both hands over his face. After taking a deep breath, he took out his phone, opened his credit card app and dreaded what he was about to see.

"Venom."

No reply.

Eddie put more force behind his voice. "Venom."

A black blob appeared near his collar bone and slowly morphed into a face. "Yes, Eddie?"

Eddie wasn't sure whether to laugh in his symbiote's face or strangle him, little good that would do. "Venom, did you spent 5000 dollars on chocolates?"

"It is a gift for me," Venom said, and then added after a moment, "And for you."

"You cannot just spend 5000 dollars on chocolates, Venom." Eddie stared hopelessly at his phone, but no matter how much he willed it, his credit card balance didn't change.

"Yes, I can," Venom assured him and pointed a tendril at the laptop. "I pushed the buttons, like you showed me.

"No, I didn't – I didn't mean you could – Venom, you really can't –" Eddie inhaled deep, deep breath. He was dealing with an alien, a creature who had no idea how anything worked. Jobs, a salary, money in general, it was all foreign to him. "Venom," Eddie finally said, with the patience of a fucking saint, if he did say so himself. "You cannot just spend this much money without discussing it with me first."

Venom gave him an uncomprehending look and ducked his head a little. "But we wanted the chocolates, Eddie."

"God, we really have to work on your impulse control." Eddie sighed and gestured around their apartment. "It costs money to live here. If you spend all our money on chocolates then we can't live here anymore. We'll have to move into a cardboard box in an alley and live there."

Venom's head reared back and glanced around the room. "But we like living here. This is our home. We cannot leave here."

Nodding sagely, Eddie placed a comforting hand on Venom's coils. "I know, V. I don't want to leave here either, but if you keep spending money like that we'll have no choice."

"So no more pressing buttons and getting chocolates," Venom concluded, his head drooping while he leaned his forehead against Eddie's shoulder

"No, not without asking me first." Eddie had the sudden urge to press a kiss to Venom's sad face, which, what the fuck? He mentally shook himself. "You live here, too, buddy, and if you want to buy something, you can. But only ever after asking. Promise?"

"I promise, Eddie. But we can still eat the chocolates that the man is bringing today, yes?"

Eddie considered that for a moment. He could afford it, to lose 5000 dollars, kind of. One shipment was already underway, so it would be a hassle to cancel that one. "How about we cancel the part of the order that is still outstanding and you can keep the chocolate being delivered today."

"Thank you, Eddie," Venom said with a huge, toothy grin.

When Eddie called the store to cancel the remaining order, the nice lady who answered sounded, quite frankly, terribly relieved. Eddie played it off as an internal communication error, which was kinda true anyway.

And when five boxes were delivered later that afternoon and Venom gleefully ripped them open and admired every single item as if they were the most amazing thing he'd ever seen, Eddie thought it might just be worth it.

Not 5000 dollars worth it, mind you, but however big the bill ended up being, yeah, that would be okay.


End file.
